unlovely (dk_scully) wrote in brokenhearts,
unlovely
dk_scully
brokenhearts

Hello.

Hi, my father cheated on my mother with another woman and now he is leaving us.

I'm still in the 'numb' stage, but I'm not numb enough not to feel an insane amount of anger. The tears haven't really come yet. I am just confused by this. My father loved me? He loved my mother? Why this, then? How? I was so angry last night. When mom asked if it were possible to somehow get evidence of him cheating, IM convos etc (for the lawyer we were meeting), I hacked into the bastard's computer and got every e-mail and IM convo he had. I shouldn't have. No, I'm not feeling at all immoral for looking through all of his files. I shouldn't have looked at them, because reading those convos only make me feel more disgusted. I never should have read about them making plans to live together, making plans to be in each others arms soon--make plans to have a baby together. While my father cannot even remember to care for his own child, he's thinking of bringing another one to this world? I printed out every single conversation. There are over 300 pages. Hell, I could publish an entire novel out of the time he's spent on this nameless girl. You always think that this kind of thing could never happen to yourself. Wrong. I don't even know him anymore. This part of him is new and strange. I want to vomit. I want to scream at him. I want to tear him apart. I want to hurt someone for the way he hurt us. The worst is that he cannot manage to feel even a tiny inkling of remorse for what he's done. I don't think I'll ever be able to look into his dirty, cheating eyes. I'm so angry at for abandoning the only two people who truly, deeply cared for him that now, I want to see him fail. A part of me desperately wants to see him miserable and pathetic years from now. And I want to be able to look down on him coldly and laughingly, because I, his only daughter, will have moved beyond a lowly creature like him. And yes, my heart is broken. Nice to meet you.
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